Sunday, August 28, 2022

Being a Cheater and Loving It

This week, there seems to have been an abundance of online articles about relationships. How couples met. That one thing that hooked them and, ugh...maintenance. Nothing is cut and dry anymore, especially when the pandemic has changed the income and/or spending habits of most adults. Then you may be one of the many adults who realized their upbringing was screwed (regardless of whether it was a single parent or a couple of generations of parents). A Buzzfeed article about ghosting stood out the most, as I recollected (and shared), the last time I committed this immature crime in my relationships.

Do Cheating and Ghosting Go Hand in Hand?

Possibly, yes because you've already left the relationship mentally. Sometimes we derive satisfaction knowing our partner is completely oblivious to the possibility of engaging intimately with another individual. Isn't it easier to voice concerns instead of making another connection outside of the home?

Another online article, from the NY Post, explores how women cheated more than men. For me, cheating is lying and I'm with Chris Rock in a statement he made during his Never Scared standup years ago.

"Men lie the most ... but women tell the biggest lies."

Watch the video and you'll see Rock faced with a mixed sea of boos and cheers. While he keeps going, most people wonder why we women have to lie to maintain a relationship. Oftentimes, keeping quiet about a matter can compromise your relationship - either it will kill it or make it stronger.

What About Emotional Cheating?

The NY Post article mentions this with some opposition from participants. However, I say this is spot on. You may have fallen in love with the perfect person at one point. They look nice, are basically friendly (even though social awkwardness can be appealing to some), and seem to hold a decent conversation. For many, this alone is enough reason to make wedding arrangements and plan a life together...quickly.

As for me, I didn't discover the power of emotional cheating until I realized how much energy I placed into the maintenance of my last relationship. Early on, I was expected to understand and accept a home situation based on what's best for the kids (that weren't mine), reasons for underemployment (and sometimes a lack of it), and endless levels of insecurity.

What I'd learn later on is that no one, man or woman, should be programmed to carry that much luggage because there's no way to control it. The simple reason why some people avoid these types of relationships is that they get lost. As in zero hobbies or interests, little to no social life, and the list goes on - even if you feel you helped remedy the problem. All the sane person's energy goes into their broken partner.

Monday, August 22, 2022

Equal Partnership vs. Ride or Die?

It's no secret that women of all backgrounds are moving up and oppression is slowly becoming a thing of the past. Not only are we working in positions once intended solely for men but learning about long money. If you're not in the know about ways to earn residual income, inheritance, or ways to save for early retirement, it may not be too late to start today.

While the opportunities may be endless for some, we all know that life happens. The people we connect with can profoundly affect how we see the world and manage relationships. Particularly those we are closest to, whether platonic or romantic, can teach us the hardest lessons.

Over the weekend, T'Yonna Wallace daughter of slain rapper Notorious B.I.G., made news for putting up her Brooklyn home as bail for her boyfriend/baby daddy. The young man had been on the run after being at fault for a hit and run. This was not a few hundred dollars some people may not miss but because he caused injury to others (trying to run from police because his license was suspended), his bond was set at $1 million dollars.

I've never been a fan of The Real but this 2 y.o. clip makes interesting points about being a ride-or-die chick. For those out of the know, being a ride or die is really an extreme example of being loyal to a romantic partner. While this applies to couples of all preferences, most situations are between a man and woman...where the man usually benefits. Money, a place to stay, a professional connection; watch any daytime TV court show and you'll see how far some situations go. You never hear about a ride-or-die dude.

Many times, these situations sometimes result in the man/male admitting they're proud to have a woman with this trait. Sometimes it goes back generations. However, many of these modern cases are not what our parents or grandparents went through. Working as a secretary or domestic while the husband goes to law or med school doesn't carry the same weight as someone who supports a chronically unemployed or mentally unstable partner. Yes, your love may be strong but some relationships can kill you.

Without getting too preachy, I'll make this blunt but short. Youth isn't forever. There are too many things that can happen in a short period of time that can permanently affect your paper (even your coins). Sickness, loss of income, familial structure changes, and even unfortunate circumstances can flip things around beyond your control. Save your sanity, enjoy what life has to offer, and let the deadbeats fend for themselves.